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Secrets of the Dead is an almost complete manuscript that will be around 80,000 words when it is completed. It will be my first full length manuscript, though I have been writing since I was in the 5th grade. I have not yet been published but have finished several short stories and novellas, one of which is a zombie fairy tale-Cryogenically Sleeping Beauty that has been submitted to Entangled for consideration.
Anya Callahan wants to just be a normal girl more than anything but has never had that luxury. She has always had a secret, though she thinks of it as a curse. While the rest of the world can let the dead lie and move on, Anya gets them knocking at her door. Unable to cross over, these restless spirits find her and keep up a constant stream of requests. When Anya finds her first love her greatest fear becomes reality as her secret tears them apart. Join Anya as she attempts to put her broken heart and life back together. Will a new friend be enough to help Anya stop seeing her gift as a curse? Will she be able balance a new love, new friends, a new job, and the demands and voices of the dead? And most of all, what will Anya do with the new found knowledge that she has the ability to control the spirits that have followed her all her life?
Thank you in advance for your time and consideration,
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Secrets of the Dead is an almost complete manuscript that will be around 80,000 words when it is completed. It will be my first full length manuscript, though I have been writing since I was in the 5th grade. I have not yet been published but have finished several short stories and novellas, one of which is a zombie fairy tale-Cryogenically Sleeping Beauty that has been submitted to Entangled for consideration.
For xteen-year-old Anya Callahan, being normal is a luxury her cursed secret has never allowed. Anya Callahan wants to just be a normal girl more than anything but has never had that luxury. She has always had a secret, though she thinks of it as a curse. While the rest of the world can let the dead lie and move on, Anya gets them knocking at her door. Unable to cross over, these restless spirits find her and keep up a constant stream of requests. When Anya finds her first love her greatest fear becomes reality this is slightly confusing because at first I thought you meant she found the ghostish version of her first love. “her greatest fear becomes reality” is a tad cliche and I’d find another way to phrase it if you can as her secret tears them apart. Join Anya as she attempts to put her broken heart and life back together. Will a new friend be enough to help Anya stop seeing her gift as a curse? Will she be able balance a new love, new friends, a new job, and the demands and voices of the dead? And most of all, what will Anya do with the new found knowledge that she has the ability to control the spirits that have followed her all her life?
Anya [does specific things] while trying to put her heart and her life back together. With a new love, new friends, and a new job, she’s as close to normal as she’s ever been – until she discovers she has the ability to control the spirits that have troubled her all her life. [more plot]
Secrets of the Dead is a [age category genre] complete at 80,000 words.
Thank you in advance for your time and consideration,
For this, I need more. It needs something to separate your story from the many, many, many “girl who sees ghosts” stories already out on the market. You’re competing with superstar Meg Cabot on this trope, so it’s really gotta stand out. The fact that she can control them might be something you want to mention earlier and feature more.
Readers, please add your comments and suggestions down below!
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You have a great idea here. But, it needs some work. You need to get rid of the first paragraph completely. I’ve read that you don’t want to tell an agent that this is your first project. I have also read that you don’t want to include any questions in your query. Find a way to turn those questions into statements.
I would take the second paragraph, add some more details, and break it into two or three additional paragraphs. I need some more information, some more details about the characters and the plot.
You have a good start and a great idea. Keep working at it, and you’ll have something great.
Definitely and intriguing idea, but the query does need some work. A query has to show a strong face. Admitting to never being published is always a bad idea (I have read this several places).
It’ll take some work, but you can do it. Sarah makes good suggestions. If you follow them, you’ll have an awesome query.
I agree.
Good luck!
I agree with Sarah’s comments. You want your first sentence to be a strong hook for your story, then follow with a summary of the main plot that conveys how your story is unique. Read as much as you can in your genre so you know the market and how your story will stand out. This is a great niche, but you have to show us how your story shines. If you aren’t published (in any form), just leave that information out.
Yes, totally agree with the critique. That first paragraph is unnecessary. It only serves to point out that you have no credentials. Hook the agent with your story and the credits won’t matter. Incidentally, as i understand it, the biographical stuff usually goes at the end of the query, but it’s okay to leave it out if you don’t have anything that would impress an agent.
The story sounds cool, but similiar to other stuff already on the market. Give more information about how this story is unique.
You could definitely see your skills within the work you write. The world hopes for even more passionate writers like you who aren’t afraid to mention how they believe. All the time go after your heart.